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A SPECIAL WELCOME

TO WOMEN

Sex Addicts Anonymous has made it a priority to ensure that women who are interested in our fellowship feel welcome and safe in our meetings. Many women have found serenity and freedom in the rooms of SAA. Please join us.

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If you would like to speak to a woman our program feel free contact us and our women's representative get back to you . 

 

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A Woman Sex Addict Shares her Experience (Cara's story)

The name I am giving is Cara, and I am a sex addict. On the outside I have lived a respectable life, held down responsible jobs, been married and brought up children and attended churches as a committed Christian. However what many people do not know is that for the whole of my adult life I have been obsessed with romance and sex. Those two words mean the same thing. As a young, shy, awkward teenager I came to believe that one day a special man would come along to save me from my rather narrow and unfulfilling life. These fantasies became more sexual as I got older.

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I began by reading and writing romantic stories, I loved the exciting feelings these gave me. My first relationships too quickly became sexual, then cooled as I realised this person was not the man of my dreams. Even though I was intelligent my schoolwork suffered and I failed my exams because I wasted my time dreaming. I tried to live a Christian life but was ashamed of my thoughts which frequently led me into sexual encounters or masturbation which I felt was wrong. Trying to live without these things was impossible and I felt ashamed and a failure. Sex was a fear and an obsession.

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I married but the temptations to find another man were unbearable. Sometimes I was scared to feel sexual at all, at other times I developed passionate obsessions about other men believing them to be ‘the one’ even though they were often married and uninterested in me.

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I began to read pornographic literature and the fantasies just never stopped. My work suffered and I never progressed in any job. I emotionally neglected my children. At church however I was willing to participate and became respected for my spirituality even though I knew the thoughts and desires I had constantly prevented me from living out my faith. The thought of being found out was terrifying.

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For years I avoided being intimate with men in any way because I knew I could not say ‘no’ to any kind of sexual invitation. Then someone at work got past my defences and I had the affair I had been dreaming of for years. For the next two years I lived a double life. It was as though I was two different people and although I am usually an honest person I lied unashamedly to my family and friends. It was exciting but heartbreaking and exhausting.

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Trying to end the relationship I left the job but was unable to stop seeing this man and the affair went on for another year. This scared me, I knew it was wrong and could ruin my life but I could not stop. Then I heard about sex addiction. At first I could not apply it to myself; it seemed to be about men and their extreme sexual behaviours. I looked for information and came across Patrick Carnes’ book ‘Out of the Shadows’. I knew at last what the problem was.

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The book pointed me to SAA and I found out about a meeting. There I found a sponsor and started to work through the 12 steps. It was difficult at first as I was the only woman in the group but I was determined to find the answer.

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Over the last four years I have slowly recovered from the behaviours and thought patterns which characterised my addiction. The affair ended and was never repeated; I learned to reject the desire to fantasise and am now much more present in my life. I have come to understand more about obsession and how it affects me. Finally I have found an enduring spirituality which supports and sustains my life.

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I have learned that physical and emotional neglect as a child caused my addiction. Now I do what I can to support women in SAA. I have spoken to other women who like me had no idea what was making their lives unmanageable. It doesn’t matter how sex addiction affects you, there is an answer.

How To Find Us

The meeting venue is at Christ Church Southwark,  located on 27 Blackfriars Road (A201) between Southwark tube station and the River Thames.

 

Trains and Tube:

4 minutes walk from Southwark Station

5 minutes walk from Blackfriars Station (South entrance)

7 minutes walk from Waterloo East Station

10 minutes walk from Waterloo Station.

 

Buses:

Buses 45, 63 and 100 stop right outside the church.

 

RECOVERING FROM SEX ADDICTION ONE DAY AT A TIME
Our group has but one purpose:
to carry its message of recovery to the addict who still suffers.
 
We practise strict anonymity and confidentiality, so that our meetings are a safe place for all of us.
 
Whom we meet or what is said in a meeting is confidential and is not normally disclosed or discussed with anyone. 
 
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